S1, E6 | Self Torment

} The following events take place through the months of April, May, and June, 2030, and the 18th of January, 2031 {

> April 2030 <

“Caden, honey?” Rebecca calls out, gently pushing his bedroom door in, finding him laid on his side, head sunken into the pillow, “I know it sucks, but we can’t keep missing school.” Already having spent the last two weeks speaking very little, Caden sighs as he turns his body toward his mother, his point offered. “I can’t go back to that school if Sophie’s not there” Caden replies, his mother folding her hands by her lap, “it’s just not possible.”

Her head hanging as she approaches her son’s bed, Rebecca takes a seat beside Caden’s feet and places her hand on his knee, looking him in the eyes as she speaks with a soft voice. “You’re not wrong, honey” Rebecca explains, knowing how little her son’s drive to return to normal is, “but we have no clue how long Sophie’s going to be gone for… You can’t just put your life on hold until she gets back.”

Looking away, Caden’s eyes travel to the window just beside his bed, the sunlight draping the yellow house just beside his own home and partially covering his own face. “We don’t even know if she is coming back” Caden replies, his voice carrying defeat, at loss for hope of any kind. “We can’t start thinking like that honey, it’s only been two weeks” Rebecca remarks, quickly interrupted by her son, who counters her argument, almost wanting to feel like hope is futile.

“The Stewart’s told Mr. Carrion that they didn’t have a lot to work with right after it happened” Caden explains, pushing himself up to a seat just beside his pillow, looking his mother in the eye, “what do you think’s gonna to happen the longer she’s gone?” Putting her lips together, Rebecca hangs her head, swiping the loose hair over her ear, unable to argue the logic in her son’s stance.

“The moment I get out of the car at that school, I’ll be a zombie” Caden explains, his mother letting him continue to ramble, “just walking the halls pointlessly, one class to another, not learning anything, not doing any work.” With a sigh, Rebecca pats her son’s knee, offering him a sympathetic smile, before doubling down on her stance.

“You have to go to school” Rebecca replies, her son’s eyes rolling as he slumps back into his pillow, “we’re doing everything we can, and you need to do that too.” Leaving his room, Rebecca pushes the door open and turns to walk down the hallway, a final glance at a motivation-less Caden slithering out of bed prompting her to freeze in the moment. Her hands pushing against the doorframe, propping herself up, Rebecca watches her son, a smile coming over her face.

“What’s wrong?” Caden asks, looking at his mother’s confusing stare, the woman gently shaking her head from one side to the other. “Nothing, sweetheart” Rebecca remarks, flashing her son another smile, just appreciating the certainty that he’s safe in that moment before returning to her morning routine.

Dragging himself through the halls of the building hours later, Caden wanders through the school before finding his room, entering a familiar class with a different aura than it’s ever had before. “Good morning students!” Mrs. Danielson exclaims, a roar of greetings through the speakers in the back of the room far out-matching the in-school students.

“Welcome back” Izzy whispers toward the loss-for-hope boy, her fist held out in a gesture Caden would allow to go unanswered. “Thanks” Caden replies, both hands remaining fixed to his desk, Izzy’s hand slowly retreating as an in-home student begins to speak up. “Where’ve you been, Caden?” a familiarly obnoxious voice calls out, prompting the returning student to turn around, glaring at the small box he finds carrying a smug smile.

“Logan, please raise your hand to speak” Mrs. Danielson calls out, attempting to stop the outburst before it can have the chance to begin. “But he’s been gone for weeks!” Logan exclaims, watching Caden’s unamused stare offered to him, his face slowly moving over his shoulder, “what’s wrong with wanting to know where he’s been this whole time?”

“Fuck off, Logan!” another online student calls out, taking Caden’s side in the inevitable conflict, “his friend was stolen.” Without a care for the predicament, Logan’s sheltered response begins to light a fire under Caden, Izzy reaching out for the boy's arm as he removes himself from his seat, quickly having it swatted away. “She shouldn’t have gotten stolen then!” Logan shouts, watching Caden approach the monitor at the back of the room, “I wouldn’t have let myself get stolen!”

Nostrils flaring, Caden watches the multiple different boxes begin to talk over themselves, his mind going to dark places, eyes never once leaving the box presenting Logan’s screen. As the online students split into two halves, one side arguing in Logan’s favor, the others arguing in the favor of Caden and company, the in-school student approaches the speakers and reaches behind them, his fingers sliding around the back before a wire is caught between his fingers.

With a smile, Caden rips the wire out and immediately silences the at-home students, not a single voice being carried through the stereo set, their silent boxes continuing to light up, signaling speakers that can no longer be heard. “Caden Nurse!” Mrs. Danielson shouts, looking up from her desk to find the boy standing beside the speaker setup, his eyes drifting toward her side of the room.

“Thank god one of us had the gall to do it!” Mrs. Danielson shouts, her voice also unable to be heard by the students at home, her feet carrying her away from her own desk. “Now go to the bathroom to make it look like you’re in trouble” Mrs. Danielson whispers to Caden’s ear, taking the cord from his hand and pretending to be uncertain of how to resolve the situation.

With a smile, Caden nods to himself, picking up his books and leaving the room, the woman feigning trouble with the equipment, an easy silence coming over the classroom for the first time in too long.

= Generation Alpha is created by Zachary Serra, all rights to the series belong to Zachary Serra and the entity of Pacer1 Media from the start of Season 1 onwards =

> 18th January, 2031 <

“Every day school would be dismissed, I would sit in the green and look at the street for an hour” Caden explains, his face bathed in the white hue of the fluorescent tubes, leant slightly to one side through the duration of his time in the chair. “Why?” Sophie asks, her moment to interject presenting itself, the question she raises one that Caden himself doesn’t have a definitive answer to.

“I don’t think I had any real reason, honestly” Caden remarks, a smile on his face recalling the torment, helped now that it has come to a resolution, “it’s not like I expected you to just show up one day, straight out of thin air.” Squinting her eyes, Sophie kicks one leg over the other, head tilted to one side. “Were you hoping I’d just show up one day?” Sophie asks, the question raised with a slightly humorous tone, though rooted in a genuine intrigue.

“I hoped you would” Caden replies, his eyes widened and hopeful, slowly narrowing as his mind moves on, “but you never did.” With a sigh, Caden looks toward Andrew, explaining that the man with his arms spread in the doorway was the figure responsible for finding the answers that would lead to Sophie, a truth that allows Caden to hold himself to a lesser standard.

“I just went to school every day” Caden explains, his voice becoming soft, almost presenting itself as a whisper at times, “I went to school while everyone else stayed up, day and night, looking for you.” Her head hung, Sophie stops the questions for a moment, leaning forward in her seat with her arms draped over the clipboard. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living your life because of me” Sophie interjects, watching Caden look up to her, grateful eyes returned.

“That’s why I didn’t stop” Caden remarks, a smile appearing from behind the cover of his lips, allowing him to wipe a tear away from his eye, “but I never stopped thinking about you.” Clearing his throat, Caden recalls the nights he’d lay awake, watching the moonlight cast shadows over the side of the house just outside his window, becoming familiar with each pattern the longer his sleepless nights would become.

“It felt wrong to feel comfortable in my own bed when you were gone” Caden explains, looking away from the camera, eyes directed at the ground, “it felt like I wasn’t worthy of a bed.” Leaning back in her chair, Sophie lets Caden continue to speak, his ramblings carrying him inadvertently into the next question, where he recalls the first full month of her captivity.

> May 2030 <

“You sight-seeing, or are you waiting for something?” Izzy calls out, approaching the green, her words being directed toward Caden, who looks at her in surprise at first. “I’ve been sitting here every day since I came back” Caden replies, sitting at a stone-carved picnic table, eyes looking from one side of the road just ahead to the other, “haven’t you noticed?”

With a chuckle, Izzy throws her bag at the table and takes a seat beside Caden, her hands folded atop her denim-fashioned backpack. “Yeah, I have… You spend every afternoon here” Izzy remarks, Caden not laying his eyes on her following the greeting until she concludes her statement, finally earning his attention, “...I’d know that because I spend every morning here.”

“You spend every morning here?” Caden asks, looking at the woman in almost disbelief, prompting Izzy to pull her head back. “You’re aware that there are people that wake up earlier than twenty minutes before school, right?” Izzy jokes, citing her mother’s early schedule as a reason to be out of the house sooner than anyone else. “I’m here about an hour before school starts every single day” Izzy explains, pausing for a moment, “and then I sit here and wait.”

“Did you do that before Sophie went missing?” Caden replies, looking toward the girl, who squints as she looks ahead, the shade still allowing brief spots of blinding sunlight to engulf the green. “I’d sit in my car and listen to music” Izzy remarks, earning a chuckle out of Caden, one that she shares with him, the mood coming down as the laughter dies off, “now I feel like I owe it to her… To spend my mornings here, just waiting for the doors to open.”

With a nod, Caden looks back to the road, traveling the asphalt back and forth, pretending he’s watching a car drive forward, then stop, then reverse and repeat the process all over again. “Honestly, it doesn’t get easier, it just gets more numbing” Izzy mutters, prompting Caden to look toward her for context, “you just sit here and wait… Not for any reason, but you just choose to. It doesn’t change anything, doesn’t make it better or worse. It just makes it common.”

A breath of air leaving through his nose, Caden hangs his head, nodding in agreement with what Izzy illustrates, viewing their respective stays at the green as a punishment of sorts, a sentencing to limbo. “What do you think’s gonna happen when she comes back?” Izzy asks, Caden’s face not once turning toward her, instead hanging to his folded hands without a word, not wanting to admit out loud that the possibilities of such an occasion not happening do, indeed, exist.

“I don’t know” Caden replies, his voice soft in a way that Izzy had not heard often, a genuinity presenting itself in his honest answer, “it’s really hard to imagine something like that.” Without another word, Caden sits in silence, continuing to glance toward each end of the road, the wind ruffling through the leaves above. Calmed by the sounds, Izzy remains silent herself, allowing her stay beside Caden to continue without another word, the breeze bringing ease upon the pair.

> 18th January, 2031 <

“Izzy and I began talking to each other more often” Caden explains, immediately clarifying that nothing had ever gotten romantic or sexual, “it was merely a typical, ‘we both have a lot of guilt in common’, kind of thing.” With a smile, Sophie remarks “it’s okay” in a soft tone of voice, her head tilted, watching Caden’s expression sour out of guilt.

“Okay, we relied on each other a lot” Caden explains, Andrew mustering a smile as his daughter chuckles, “we sort of- loosely- became dependent on each other.” With a nod, Sophie conceals her smile, her intentions set on asking the next question, even with a smirk peering from between her lips. “We shut ourselves away from everyone else!” Caden explains, doing his best to give reasoning behind their curious relationship in the months since, “we only had each other to rely on eventually.”

“It’s fine, it’s totally fine!” Sophie replies, quelling the conversation before finally succeeding at bringing up the next question, “when, if ever, did you feel like I wasn’t coming back?” His humor-laiden smile quickly fading away, Caden hangs his head in guilt once again, this look something that Sophie takes notice of. “It’s okay- I don’t blame you” Sophie mutters, Caden’s eyes looking up toward the girl on the other side of the room before the rest of his head does.

“The start” Caden remarks, Sophie’s eyebrows quickly perking up, Andrew tilting his head in confusion for a moment. “It’s not that I ever thought ‘that’s it, she’s never coming back!’ at anypoint” Caden clarifies, putting his back against the seat as he takes a deep breath, “but you vanished into thin air, and it felt a lot like you left little behind to find you with.”

“You thought there wasn’t enough to follow?” Sophie asks, unsuccessfully trying to add substance to the claim. “No, I felt like…” Caden begins, pausing as he rolls his head, looking away from the camera, locking his eyes on Sophie in order to finish his point, “it felt like you had disappeared in such a split second that, with everything you just left behind, nothing was going to go back to normal.”

Letting her crossed-leg fall back to the floor, Sophie allows Caden to continue, the boy explaining that it didn’t feel like she’d ever come back. “It was so sudden that I couldn’t imagine what coming back would be like” Caden explains, citing how different she and the people around them would be perceived and cared for, “nothing would have been the way it was, and I couldn’t imagine what such a change would look like… Which meant I couldn’t imagine what you coming back would look like.”

Tilting her head, Sophie places the clipboard on the floor, watching Caden lean forward, his elbows pressing against his knees, attention firmly on the next question asked, visibly one not listed on the sheet. “When did you think I was gone for good?” Sophie asks, Caden’s eyes falling, his hands coming together in his lap. “June” Caden replies, Sophie letting out a sigh beneath her breath, unable to be heard by Caden or her father, “that’s when your dad started losing hope.”

Turning around, Sophie looks to her father, his head hanging low, never having lost hope completely, but agreeing that June would have been one of its lowest points. “In three months, Izzy and I started looking at the Stewart’s as close friends rather than the wealthy assholes that raised Logan” Caden explains, the bond between Sophie’s family and his own increasing in such a short amount of time as well, “three months felt like eight years.”

Nodding, Sophie agrees with the point made, her friend leant forward in his chair, thinking of his next words carefully. “Izzy said your dad never stopped looking for you, but he had run out of most of his options by June or so” Caden explains, loose hairs hanging over his forehead, “at that point, I tried to stop tormenting myself.”

> June 2030 <

“Hey, where’d you go yesterday?” Izzy asks, purposely bumping into Caden in the halls between classes. “I went home- had to catch up on homework” Caden remarks, the curious inquiries rattling through Izzy’s head bubbling to the surface through her words. “You not hanging out at the green anymore?” Izzy asks, surprised when Caden replies in kind.

“Like you said, Mr. Carrion’s running low on places to look, and Sophie’s been gone for three months” Caden explains, shoveling a book into his bag, “I’ve gotta start drawing a line between waiting for Sophie to come back, and tormenting myself for playing a part in her going missing.” Pulling the boy by the arm, Izzy stops in the middle of the hallway, asking him if that’s what he viewed their post-class visits as.

“I mean, that’s why I started sitting there after school… Isn’t that why you started sitting there?” Caden remarks, Izzy affirming his assumption. “That’s not the only reason I stop there after school now, though” Izzy replies, a smile coming over her face, a hint of embarrassment presenting itself, “I like spending time with you there, too.”

Mouth agape, Caden looks down both ends of the hallway before pulling Izzy off to the side, explaining his stance. “I like spending time with you, too… I absolutely do” Caden explains, wrapping his left hand around the single strap of his backpack, “but I started sitting there as a way to keep myself from forgetting about her… It feels more like I’ve been punishing myself by sitting there, and I don’t want to just keep punishing myself until she comes back.”

Lowering her head, Izzy thinks to herself before making a new suggestion, one that sits well with the boy before her. “Let’s hang out somewhere else after school then” Izzy suggests, a small sandwich shop around the corner immediately coming to mind. “I know what you’re saying, and I think the same thing” Izzy explains, finding common ground with the boy, “as much as I want Sophie to come back, I can’t keep punishing myself until she does either.”

With a nod, Caden agrees to meet at the shop by the day’s end, walking away from the girl with a bad feeling in his stomach.

> 18th January, 2031 <

“It all felt rushed, there’s no hiding that” Caden explains, parts of his memory from the time being lost due to how quick everything was unfolding, “but I knew I needed to slow down.” Crossing his arms, Caden wraps his fingers around each of his biceps, pulling his folded limbs close to his chest as he sits back in his seat, feet planted firmly on the concrete ground.

“You were gone for almost six more months after that, and it felt like you could have been gone for a lot longer back then” Caden explains, finally locking eyes with Sophie again, “I wouldn’t have survived waiting there, every day, without being able to move on.” Forming a smile with her puckered lips, Sophie reaches down and picks up the clipboard, reading off the next question before doing away with the list again, another better-suited question popping into her head.

“Did you ever wish I wasn’t going to come back?” Sophie asks, the face of Caden shrinking, his head pulled back as he questions whether or not she’s serious. “I’m not asking if you wanted me to never come back, just if it would’ve been easier at any point if I didn’t” Sophie explains, again met with the same response from Caden. “Things had changed a lot in a short time, but I always wanted you to come back” Caden remarks, “I still couldn’t get a good night’s sleep until we found you.”

Nodding to herself, Sophie reaches down for the clipboard, reading the next question silently to herself, only for her thought process to be interrupted by a question of Caden’s own, met at her own game. “Did you think there was anyone that didn’t want you to come back?” Caden inquires, watching Sophie’s eyes freeze upon him, the clipboard wavering in the air, held between the fingers on her one hand.

“I wondered” Sophie replies, admitting that plenty of less-flattering thoughts ran through her head whilst she was cooped in a box with nothing to do but think to herself. “It’s like what happens when someone dies… a lot of people wonder what their friends and family would do after they’re gone” Sophie explains, shrugging her shoulders, her head shaking with them, “I just wondered every now and then if people actually wanted me back.”

“Everyone wanted you back, Sophie” Andrew quips from afar, his daughter turning her head over her shoulders, eyes placed upon him. “I know… And I know no one stopped fighting for me” Sophie explains, lips parting as she thinks to herself, recalling the questions she’d wondered, specifically about the people she cared most deeply for, “but it sounds like, with how fast everything began changing, it would have been easier if I stayed gone.”

“Is that what you’re getting out of this?” Caden asks, watching the girl’s head turn back toward him, his eyebrows raised, trying to make sense of what the girl is saying, “that it was easier when you were gone?” Looking down, Sophie thinks to herself, both Andrew and Caden waiting patiently for her answer, surprised at what they hear. “Once upon a time, yes” Sophie remarks, not feeling happy with her answer, but responding with it out of honesty, “just, not anymore.”

“We always wanted you back, honey” Andrew replies from behind again, Sophie not turning toward him this time, instead, her eyes frozen to the ground. “I know, dad” the girl remarks, a pain carried in her voice, eyes returning to the boy before the camera. “When was the first time you thought ‘we might have a lead now’?” Sophie wonders, speaking aloud the next question on the clipboard, trying to redirect the conversation back to its original intent.

“That same day at the shop” Caden replies, the intrigue visually present in Sophie’s change in expression, “Izzy just sort of had this lightbulb go off in her head.”

> June 2030 <

“How does it feel?” Izzy asks, halfway through with her meatball-filled sandwich, Caden left looking through the window, unsure of how to respond. “Good to start trying to forgive myself, but bad for breaking my routine of not forgiving myself” Caden remarks, still feeling the lingering sensation in his core, a burning guilt eating away at him, “it’s easier to deal with since you’re here.”

Charming Izzy with the one liner, Caden continues to enjoy his lunch while the girl speaks about random findings she notices through her daily activities. Rambling on about the school campus and how empty it is, Izzy makes a quip about easier access to the internet in recent months, something Caden comes to full agreement on. “Total fucking deadzone in that place forever!” Caden groans, mentioning his appreciation for whatever fixed the problem.

“We’re right up the street from a cell tower, how thick do those walls need to be to shut off every little bit of connection?” Izzy mutters, her point immediately argued against by Caden. “It wasn’t the walls, the internet would’ve worked outside if it was” Caden replies, taking another bite out of his sandwich, Izzy immediately raising the million-dollar question.

“Then why the fuck was it so fucking awful!?” Izzy asks aloud, a shoulder shrug from Caden allowing a moment of silence to come over the table. In a second of questioning, Izzy’s humor-filled face begins to sink into curiosity, a question looming over her that Caden can read in her face. “What’re you thinking, Iz?” Caden asks, the girl looking up at him, having been staring off at nothing while a question is raised.

“When did the problems stop?” Izzy asks, Caden looking off to think, not sensing anything off about the question at first, nor noticing any ulterior motive behind it either. “A couple months, I guess?” Caden remarks, shrugging his shoulders as he sinks his teeth into his sandwich once more, “why?” he concludes. “Because Sophie disappeared a couple of months ago” Izzy replies, watching Caden’s bite suddenly halt, his teeth still in the bread when his eyes narrow.

“Wait, are you saying the connection was fucked up because of Sophie?” Caden asks with no urgency or humor. “Doesn’t it seem super fucking weird that the problems would stop just after one of the students was nabbed?” Izzy asks, leaping out of her seat in a hurry as Caden remains at the table, thinking of his answer.

“Where are you going?” Caden asks, watching the girl quickly hurry for the exit. “I’ve gotta go see Sophie’s dad!” Izzy exclaims, walking through the front door with the sound of the bell just overhead accompanying her exit. Left confused at his table, Caden finishes his meal and approaches his own car, allowing the guide to take him back home.

On a backroad with minimal traffic around, Caden rests in the driver’s seat, watching the scenery pass him by from the comfort of his leather-finished chair. Thinking about the point Izzy had made earlier, Caden begins to lose himself in memories of himself and Sophie, thinking back to fond thoughts.

Overwhelmed by the recollections running through his mind, Caden thinks of the request made toward him months prior, hand gripping at the seatbelt. Pulling the strap over his chest, Caden discards the car’s warning of the vehicle’s shift into manual mode, quickly reaching toward the key and turning it in the ignition. Accompanied by a countdown, Caden presses his foot lightly against the pedal and takes control of the car, the steering wheel clutched in his grasp.

With a smile, Caden presses his finger upon the button of his door, lowering the window to allow a cool wave of air running through his hair, his phone beginning to buzz at the appearance of a phone call. Leaning back in his seat, Caden continues to press the pedal further toward the floor, pushing the car to higher speeds, gently turning the wheel with slight turns in the road, imagining the sounds of Sophie’s joyful cheers as he continues to direct the vehicle.

Looking out at the sky, Caden finds the calming orange waves through the vast blue expanse, puffy clouds scattered throughout the air. The inside of his vehicle bathed in the glowing sunlight, Caden continues to disregard the buzzing phone, feeling his hair whip in the breeze, the roaring sounds of the wind that swept past his window bring a smile to his face. In the moment, for the first time in a long time, the knot in Caden’s stomach untangles, allowing him to feel freedom again.

== Generation Alpha ==